Stardew Valley Drinking Game

Players: 1-4

PC

MINOR SPOILERS IN THE SCREENSHOTS


Co-op beta has begun, and you know we’re playing it. I thought long and hard (not really) about how to get as drunk as Shane playing Stardew Valley together or solo. The stories in this game are so well written and engaging, it seems shameful to potentially forget them in an inebriated state… but that’s what we’re here to do. At least some of our neighbors would probably approve (I’m looking at you, Pam and Shane.)

Have a cold one with Shane

Me every night after work.

The Rules

Drink 1:

At the start of each sunny day

When you sell items to a shop (1 per item stack)

When you harvest, collect, fish or forage a purple star quality item

When you mine any of the following: Iridium (1 per drop), Diamond, any Geode

When you acquire a new friendship heart with someone

When you find something other than trash in a trash can

When you buy a ticket to go to The Desert

When you give someone a gift on their birthday

When you donate an item to the museum

When a neighbor sends you an item or recipe in the mail

When you complete a daily quest

Multiple Drinks:

2 drinks – At the start of each rainy day

3 drinks – When you enter a cutscene

3 drinks – When you complete a long-term quest

1 drink per $1000 that you make from shipping items at the end of the day up to $9,000
1 shot per $10,000 that you make from shipping items at the end of the day

3 drinks – When you drink an alcoholic beverage in game (drinks in cutscenes included)

3 drinks – When a train passes through Stardew Valley

3 drinks – When you give someone a gift they hate

5 drinks or a shot – When you attend a seasonal/holiday event

Take a Shot:

When you give a bouquet

When you give a mermaid pendant

When “an explosion is heard during the night”

When you pass out from exhaustion (whether from low energy or from being awake too late)

When you access a new area of the game for the first time

When someone catches you looking in a trash can

I just want everyone to have a good time

Me too, Emily, but my idea was to get everybody hammered.

 

Additional Rules for Co-op:

Drink 1:

When you walk through each other

When you both/all work on the same tile (mining, farming, fishing, etc)

When you gain a new heart with a player character

Drink 3:

When you get pulled into someone else’s cutscene from afar

When you sleep in the same bed

Take a Shot:

When you give a bouquet to a player character, or when you receive one

Take 2 Shots:

When you marry another player character. Cheers, losers.

Be more social

 

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The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild Drinking Game

Players: 1

Nintendo Switch


The following presentation was brought to you by a 13-hour transpacific flight with complimentary alcohol.

So, you’ve got hours to kill in the presence of booze and you’re on your own. Lucky for you, the Switch is as portable as you are, and this game is as potable as the finest liquor you’ve got handy. A vodka cranberry makes for a nice red health potion to keep you going, or you can choose to have breath of the Wild Turkey. Whatever drink you choose, just try not to drop your game on the floor of the plane during turbulence.

We’re going to start you off strong at the beginning of the game by having you drink every time your name (Link, not your actual name) is said in-game. That’s pretty frequent at the start and then trails off into a couple mentions every great while during a cutscene. With that head start and the rest of the rules, you’re sure to pass the time quickly (or just pass out quickly) on whatever voyage, night in, or bender you happen to be on.


The Rules

Someone says Link’s name – 1

Lose a full heart – 1

Run out of stamina – 1

Break a weapon – 1

Fast travel – 1

Gain a Spirit Orb – 1

Complete a side quest – 1

Complete a main quest – 3

Gain a new health heart or stamina track – 5

It starts to rain…again… – 1

Rain stops you from climbing mid-climb – Finish your drink while you wait…and wait.

The Blood Moon Rises – 5 or a shot

Stay at an inn – Sip an energy drink if you’ve got one, or water

Die – Shot

Die from lightning – 2 shots 


If you manage to play the entire game by these rules write to us, but please don’t send us your medical bills. Drink responsibly.

Spaceteam Drinking Game

Players: 2-8

iOS, Android


“Do you like pushing buttons and shouting at your friends?” (Google Play Store)

Spaceteam is the perfect party phone game if you’ve grown tired of putting words on your forehead.

There are a few ways you can add a boozy element to the fun, from simply taking a shot when you lose, or by following some of our fun twists.

Place your bets
As with most games, one easy way to make it competitive and drunk is to add the element of an initial drink wager. Someone starts the betting by saying something a long the lines of “One drink says we make it past phase 1,” and then someone else can raise the wager by raising the drink amount, phase, or both. Once someone has out bid the rest of the team, they drink their wager and the game begins. If the team is successful, they give out double their wager and the process starts over. This game will only work well if no one is trying to sabotage the better. Just follow the “Don’t be a dick” rule, and you’re sure to have a great time.

Primesucker

If you mess up this bet,
you’re gonna ~be~ the primesucker.

Set Phasers to Lush
Every time you reach a new round, everyone must take a drink quickly while the screen is loading.

No Cursing, You *%#@!
Every time you curse, you must take a drink. Immediately.

WaitingRoom

You’re gonna #$&! this rule up the moment you realize Riley is still not in the $%&*#@! waiting room.

Play it at a Bar and let Them Stare
Every time a stranger wanders over to ask what the hell you’re all doing, order a round of shots for the team.

Teamwork

Shit’s really hitting the fan, guys. We’re not gonna make it. It’s been an honor flying with you.

don-t-drink-and-fly

Magikarp Jump Drinking Game

Players: 1

iOS, Android

Ok, yes, Magikarp Jump is a game designed to keep your children distracted long enough for you to make it through your grocery list incident-free, but don’t pretend like you’re not training your own little pathetic flopper when you have nothing better to do.

This game is best for when you are bored, have no plans, and just really need a reason to drink.


Drinks

  • Magikarp levels up
  • Win a league battle
  • Train your magikarp
  • Special event occurs
  • Use a friendly pokemon’s ability

3 Drinks

  • Retire a magikarp at max level
  • Win a league championship
  • Retry fishing a magikarp
  • Try a risky event option and succeed
    • Such as opening a pokeball, trying to get a berry, telling magikarp to find its own way home, or investigating a mysterious sparkling object in the water.
  • Receive a friend candy for leveling up a training course or food item

Shot

  • Lose a magikarp
  • Forced retirement before max level
  • Food frenzy

Don’t worry, you’ll be drunk as a fish before you have your second league championship.

Esther

When your magikarp dies while giving birth to your children after you’ve turned to the darkside and lost literally everyone else that ever mattered to you.

Starbound Drinking Game

Players: 2-?

PC


Starbound is everything a two-dimensional sandbox RPG should be. There are many different parts of the game, so pinning down just one drinking game as a “one game fits all” solution is basically impossible. Since there are three difficulty options, I present you with three options of drunkenness.

Campaign

If you’re playing through the story line, start here.

Esther

I stole five manipulator modules during this quest, and my reward is one manipulator module? Esther, what kind of sham are you running here?

Look, you know as well as I do that Esther is just using you to run her galactic errands. The help she offers is a lot of information, but not helpful information like the coordinates of a planet with a known Apex village. For someone with all the secrets of the artifacts, she knows surprisingly little about the species that have them. Broaden your horizons a bit, Esther. The galaxy is multicultural.

Picking up a new quest: Drink 1
Turning in a completed quest: Drink 1
— If the quest you completed is for Esther: Drink 2
Opening a reward bag: Drink 1
Die: Take a Shot
Hire/Add a new crew member: Drink 1
Upgrade your ship: Drink 1

Colonizer

If you’re really into realty and property management, this is your game.

Tenant Quests

So I build a house and then scare the shit out of some guy? Got it.

So, if you’re the mayor of 50 planets (or you want to be), you’ve probably already completed the main quest line. Life as a landlord can be exciting and challenging (via colonies in extreme climates), or it can be dull and moderately lucrative (via colonies in safer neighborhoods…like your spaceship.) Whichever way you choose to play, you can always make it more fun with alcohol.

Putting up a new deed: Drink 1
Putting up a deed in your ship: Drink 3
Collecting rent: Drink 1
Completing a quest for a resident: Drink 1
Die: Take a Shot
Hire/Add a new crew member: Drink 1
Hire a resident as a crew member: Drink 3
Upgrade your ship: Drink 1

Multiplayer

For those who want PvP rules, this is your chance to challenge your friends.

Esther

That feeling you get when you’re playing with someone who can’t even figure out their keybindings.

This game wasn’t necessarily designed for player vs. player combat, but it can still be quite entertaining. Obviously, being similarly equipped is important unless one of you is exceptionally terrible.

The person who gets the first kill chooses a set number of drinks (we’ll say 3 as an example) and drinks them. The person who was killed respawns and the game resumes. The next person to die drinks twice that amount (in this case 6.) They can then choose to keep the “bet” at 3, change it to 6 (so that the next death would mean drinking 12,) or take additional drinks to raise the bet even more.

When you decide that the drinking number has gotten out of hand, pull out an instrument and start playing Canon in D. If someone else is playing the song and you agree to a reset, pull out an instrument and join in. If someone else is playing and you disagree, kill them for being a wimp and drink the entire current punishment with them.

Crusader Kings 2 Drinking Game

Players: 1-16

PC


Crusader Kings II is a game of intrigue, espionage, politics, and of course, death. In a world where everyone is plotting or resting in a plot, what doesn’t kill you will probably kill you later.

murderplot

Drinking and plotting to kill each other is a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon with your closest friends. Being such a complex game, feel free to add or alter any drinking occasions as you see fit.

Happy New Year!

Celebrate each passing year with a quick social drink. This will get more useful the drunker you get, because it will remind you how quickly time is passing.

You Arrange a Marriage!

Both people are outside your nuclear family:

Congratulations to the happy (or whatever) newly weds! Take a drink.

Marrying off your child:

Congratulations, Pops/Mama! Take a drink if they married above their status; Two drinks if they married their equal; and take a shot if you married your child to someone unworthy, you piece of shit.

Marrying yourself:

Good job! Take a drink for every living member of your nuclear family (Parents, siblings, children) because they’re toasting you at your wedding. All other players should also take a drink with you.

You Get Sick or Injured!

Each time you choose (or are forced into) any type of treatment, take a drink. Alcohol is great medicine.

You Succeed in a Plot to Have Someone Killed!

Woohoo! That bastard probably had it coming. Take a drink and hope that your beverage hasn’t been laced with revenge.

Was it one of your superiors?

Give out a shot just to remind everyone what a badass you are. (take a shot instead if you’re playing solo, or you’re trying to keep your murder secret)

You Die!

Take a shot and hope that your heir isn’t a fault-ridden adolescent.

Were you murdered?

Take an extra shot and be more careful next time.

Did you plot your own murder?

Wow. Everyone else takes a shot.

You Acquire New Land!

Give or take a drink for each new territory, and a drink for each new vassal.

You Go to War!

Take a drink with your foe.

Did you start the war?

Give an extra 2 drinks to the player of your choice.

Surrendered?

Take a shot, you coward.

Victorious?

Give 3 drinks to anyone, and tell them to acknowledge your greatness.

You Lost the Game!

Your lineage has met its end. Have you left a meaningful mark on the world’s history? Probably not. Better take a shot and start over.

Super Contra Drinking Game

Players: 1-2

NES, SNES, Nintendo Classic Mini, emulator


You know how this starts…  ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A Start. That’s two shots straight “up,” then “down” ’em both. Look left, look right, look left, look right. Binge And Start.

Seriously, though, if you’re as bad at this game as 7-year old me, that code is life.

This game is pretty simple and will work with the original Contra as well as Super Contra.

NES Update Meme

1 Player

Simple Rules

Take a drink every time you lose a medal, take a shot every time you make it to the next level. Reverse these if you’re really good at the game.

“Realistic Reload” Mode

If you’re looking for a way to bring modern day mechanics to a world of infinite bullets, take a drink between every burst of 6 bullets. Not only will this get you drinking more quickly, it may just change the way you play the game.

2 Players

Simple Rules

Same as above, but at the end of each stage, take a drink for each of the medals your comrade has left.

“Realistic Reload” Mode

Same as above, but shout “reloading” like a douche bag before every designated drink.

Who’s Your Daddy? Drinking Game

Players: 2-4

PC


Who’s Your Daddy is one of those games that you want to play the moment someone explains the concept. In a standard game, there are two players: Daddy and Baby. The game plays as a struggle between the two to meet their individual goals.

Daddy’s Goal: Keep Baby alive.

Baby’s Goal: Die.

There is an exceptional number of opportunities for Baby to terminate its sad existence (drink bleach, bake itself in the oven, drown in the pool, and power outlets to electrocute oneself), but plenty of ways for Daddy to thwart his child’s suicidal efforts. There are caps for the outlets, shelves to put things out of reach, locks, and much more.

daddypic

Will this heat make my balls drop faster?

Turning the game into a drinking game is quite easy, and feels pretty natural given the somewhat dark humor behind the game. Each round is fairly short, so a wager game is your best option.

We’ve found that Baby nearly always has the advantage, so if that stays true through updates to the game, you can do the wagering as follows.

2 Players:

At the beginning of the round, Daddy makes a bet of X drinks and then drinks them. At the conclusion of the round, the loser drinks twice Daddy’s bet. Switch Daddy each round unless one of you wants to be incredibly drunk.

Optional rule: Each time Daddy makes something “safe,” Baby takes a drink.

3-4 Players:

Playing with more than two people? Try “Daddy’s Nightmare,” which pits Daddy against three babies with a patricidal goal. Same wager rules as before except that this time if Daddy wins (by turning on the power before his children murder him) he passes out the double drinks between the other players. If the babies win (by killing their pops,) poor Dad must drink alone.

babypic

Animal Crossing: New Leaf Drinking Game

Players: 2-4

3DS


Looking for a way to play a drinking game with your friend who lives in Shanghai and owns a 3DS? Great! You’ve come to the very specific, perfect place.

Animal Crossing is a great game to play alone while you’re lying in bed questioning your life choices, waiting for sleep to come… but it can also be a great game to play with friends, while questioning your life choices and getting liver-destroyingly drunk.

There are a lot of ways you could turn multiplayer AC:NL into a drinking game, but the easiest way is the island mini-games. While you’re earning relatively useless tokens, you can dish out not-so-useless drinks and shots! The mini-games are all between 3 and 10 minutes each, so you can decide based on how quickly you want to get smashed.

acnl

Too bad you’re all gonna die out here.

The Rules of the Game

Rules of the game are simple. You each take as many drinks as the team earns tokens from Tortimer. If one player is awarded more tokens than the others, the additional tokens become shots that player can give out to the other players as they see fit.

Play until the screen on your 3DS becomes a hazy blur and using the joystick feels like trying to thread a needle while riding a bull.

Gulliver Passed Out Animal Crossing Drunk

You fucking drunk, Gulliver.

Balloon Fight Drinking Game

Players: 1-???

NES, Wii U Virtual Console, GBA

With the pending re-release of the NES, we knew that people were going to be looking for drinking games related to some of their favorite classics. Personally, I can think of no game that I was more hopeful to see on the list than Balloon Fight. Hours and hours of my childhood were spent playing this game on 1-player, 2-player, and Balloon Trip. So without further ado, here are ways to get drunk with all 3 options.

1-Player Game

1-Player Image

  • Your Balloon Pops – Take a Drink
  • You Lose a Life – Take a Shot
  • You Are Struck by Lightning – Take a Shot
  • Hit by a Fucking Fish – Take a Shot

2-Player Game

2 Player Image

  • Lose a Balloon – Take a Drink
  • Lose a Life– Take 3 Drinks
  • Struck by Lightning– Take a Shot
  • Hit by Fish– Take a Shot
  • Earn 3000 Points – Give a Drink
  • Earn 12,000 Points – Give a Shot

Distribute point based drinks/shots before or after each bonus round.

Bonus Rounds (Optional):

Bonus Round Image
Distribute the following drinks in addition to the drinks from rules listed above.

  • Earn 1,000 Points – Give a Drink
  • Score a Perfect 10– Give a Shot

The point amounts can be adjusted to the skill level of your group. If you’re all terrible, take them down a bit. If you’re pros, raise them – or don’t and just drink like crazy.

Balloon Trip

Balloon Trip Image
This can be played similar to 1-Player mode, but there’s also a great way to play with a group. Essentially, one person will be playing the game and the other players will be gambling on their performance.

For the person playing the game:

After you lose, give out a drink for every 3,000 points you earned, or a shot for every 12,000 points.

Alternate: Everyone not playing takes a drink each time the player accumulates 3,000 points.

For the other players:

Before the player begins, you may wager on two aspects of the game.

Cause of Death:

Bet a number of drinks on how you think the player will die (Lightning, Fish or Drowning.) If you are wrong, drink your wager. If you are right, give out drinks according to the chart below:

  • Death by Lightning – Give Double Your Wager
  • Death by Drowning- Give Triple Your Wager
  • Death by Fish- Give QUADRUPLE Your Wager

Total Points Accumulated:

Each player will guess how many points the player will accumulate before dying. The player closest to the correct amount may give out 1 drink per 1,000 points they are off by.

EXTREME MODE

While in Balloon Trip, any time the player pops a bubble, all players must chug their drinks for the duration of the screen freeze!