Stardew Valley Drinking Game

Players: 1-4

PC

MINOR SPOILERS IN THE SCREENSHOTS


Co-op beta has begun, and you know we’re playing it. I thought long and hard (not really) about how to get as drunk as Shane playing Stardew Valley together or solo. The stories in this game are so well written and engaging, it seems shameful to potentially forget them in an inebriated state… but that’s what we’re here to do. At least some of our neighbors would probably approve (I’m looking at you, Pam and Shane.)

Have a cold one with Shane

Me every night after work.

The Rules

Drink 1:

At the start of each sunny day

When you sell items to a shop (1 per item stack)

When you harvest, collect, fish or forage a purple star quality item

When you mine any of the following: Iridium (1 per drop), Diamond, any Geode

When you acquire a new friendship heart with someone

When you find something other than trash in a trash can

When you buy a ticket to go to The Desert

When you give someone a gift on their birthday

When you donate an item to the museum

When a neighbor sends you an item or recipe in the mail

When you complete a daily quest

Multiple Drinks:

2 drinks – At the start of each rainy day

3 drinks – When you enter a cutscene

3 drinks – When you complete a long-term quest

1 drink per $1000 that you make from shipping items at the end of the day up to $9,000
1 shot per $10,000 that you make from shipping items at the end of the day

3 drinks – When you drink an alcoholic beverage in game (drinks in cutscenes included)

3 drinks – When a train passes through Stardew Valley

3 drinks – When you give someone a gift they hate

5 drinks or a shot – When you attend a seasonal/holiday event

Take a Shot:

When you give a bouquet

When you give a mermaid pendant

When “an explosion is heard during the night”

When you pass out from exhaustion (whether from low energy or from being awake too late)

When you access a new area of the game for the first time

When someone catches you looking in a trash can

I just want everyone to have a good time

Me too, Emily, but my idea was to get everybody hammered.

 

Additional Rules for Co-op:

Drink 1:

When you walk through each other

When you both/all work on the same tile (mining, farming, fishing, etc)

When you gain a new heart with a player character

Drink 3:

When you get pulled into someone else’s cutscene from afar

When you sleep in the same bed

Take a Shot:

When you give a bouquet to a player character, or when you receive one

Take 2 Shots:

When you marry another player character. Cheers, losers.

Be more social

 

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Fortnite Drinking Game

Players: 1-99

PS4, Xbox One, iOS, PC 


In honor of our return to the business of pretending-to-have-a-productive-reason-for-drinking, we’re throwing a couple of big title games your way. There’s nothing much bigger than Fortnite right now, which I do quite enjoy, but I’m surprised it’s still going. And the other big title for the month is The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, so make sure to check that out!

Fortnite Battle Royale Glider Girl

Me gliding away from all of my problems to my living room couch to play more Fortnite.

To clarify, we’re only doing a game for the Battle Royale mode. I’m sure that doesn’t really surprise anyone, but I wanted to clarify. I’ve never paid money for the actual game… or know anyone that has. Anyway, to the goods!

I have a special Death Game to provide the basis for the drinking involved, and then I also have standard rules set up for specific events.


The Death Game

The rules for this are simple:

  • For every 5 people remaining when you die, you drink 1.
    • This is a potential 20 drink hit if you die immediately.

There’s a catch, though.

  • Once you are under 50 remaining players, this number actually now applies to your friends watching or playing alongside you, but in the opposite direction.

So, if you survive to the 30th spot, your friends drink the equivalent of placement 70, which is 14 drinks, thus your incentive for survival is extra high in this game. All other players required to take a shot if you win (does not apply to fellow teammates that survived the round).

I know you guys are thrilled to try it out.

Fornite unicorn harvest tool rainbow

It truly is a strange, magical place.

The Basics

  • Jumping from the Plane – Social
  • Ammo Box – 2
  • Chest – 3
  • Gnome – 5
  • Orange/Legendary Weapon Found – 10
  • Llama – 15
  • Kill Someone – Everyone Else Drinks 5
  • Finish a Season Goal – Amount of Stars You Earn
  • Someone Dances on you after you Die – *Extra Death Shot*

Doom Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS4, Xbox One, PC


Alright, so, I’ll be upfront about this one. I didn’t play this a whole lot. It’s not really my kind of FPS, but it was fun while I had my time with it. The online multiplayer was promising, but it didn’t feel tight enough for me to commit to the game (I played during a free-to-play weekend). The campaign was interesting, though, which is what I decided to set up some basic rules for. I’d call this a completionist’s drinking game, if I were to put a label on it. It’s short and simple, like our “About” section advertises, and we only sometimes stick to…

Doom Drinking Game

Obviously my opinion isn’t the majority opinion. Sue me.

The Rules

Doomguy Hits / Destroys Something Just Because – 5

New Weapon – 5

Obtain a Weapon Upgrade – 5

Find a ‘Secret’ – 3

Health / Armor / Ammo Upgrade – 5

Encounter a New Monster (The Menu Log Will Tell You) – 5

Reach a Checkpoint – 3

“Impact Compensation” – 3

Forget You’re Always Running and hit L3 (Or Whatever the Normal Run Button is) to Sprint – 3

A Corpse Reanimates on You – 3

You Perform a Gory Kill – 1

You Die – Shot

Samuel Contacts You – 5

Miss a Mission Challenge – 5 Per Challenge Missed

Drink 2 for Every “Exploration” Item Missed in the Mission Summary

Doomguy super smash bros crossover

I would so be down for this. Especially if he could blow Meta Knight in half.

Horizon Zero Dawn Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS4


If you were to ask me what the best new IP to release in the last few years was, I’d ultimately have to say Horizon Zero Dawn. If you haven’t played it yet, you’re in for one of the best narratives in gaming since The Last of Us, in my expert* opinion. The combat is very addictive, as well, but I was mostly impressed with a story that was so fresh in comparison to many of the games we have today. I hope this game can help you enjoy it as much as I did.

* – Expert in domestic beer. It’s important.
Horizon Zero Dawn In a Nutshell Drinking Game

I promise it all makes sense after a few hours…

Due to the fact that I love the story so much, a lot of the rules are going to revolve around the story and quests. That is, besides my favorite aspect of this drinking game, which is The Name Game, which I’ll display first. What is it, you ask? Well, Aloy gets a lot of, uh, “titles” throughout the course of the game. I’ve taken the liberty of writing most of them down and assigning drink values to them. Some of these might be slight spoilers, but some of them are sarcastic, so you can’t really know which ones are serious! Enjoy! And let me know if there are any I’ve missed, and I’ll be sure to add them to the list.


The Name Game

Nora – 1

Aloy – 2

Outcast – 3

Brave – 3

Outlander – 3

Seeker – 4

Anointed – 4

Heathen – 5

Curse – 5

Trash – Shot

horizon-zero-dawn-cover

It really is almost this pretty in-game. Okay, I’ll stop drooling over it.

The Other Rules

Save at a Campfire – 1

Finish a Quest – 5

You See a New Machine for the First Time – 10 / Shot

Someone Tells You to “Follow” – 3

A Story Character Dies Onscreen – 10 / Shot

You Fail Sneaking up on an Enemy – 5

Fail a Hunting Grounds Trial – 5

Clear a Hunting Grounds Trial – 2 / 5 / 10 Per Level of Sun Earned, Respectively

Clear a Corrupted Zone – 5

Clear a Bandit Camp – 10 / Shot

Clear a Cauldron – Shot

You Die – Shot

Use the Elevator – Chug!

Rappel Down – Chug!

You Pull a 12% Medicinal Herb (Or Whatever is Lowest for Your Difficulty) – 1

Find a Collectable / Vantage Point / Data File – 5

Find a Power Cell – 10 / Shot

Override a Tall Neck – 5

Rost is Mentioned – 5

Sylens Contacts You – 5

Elisabet’s Name is Said – 3


Extreme Mode

Take a drink any time you receive damage from a machine.

Borderlands 2 Drinking Game

Players: 1-4

PS4, PS3, Xbox One, 360, Vita, PC


Handsome Jack, here! I bet you came to this page looking for a good time with some friends. Well, I’ve got some news for you, Vault Hunter: It’s going to be a shit time, because your friends are shit. And you are, too, probably. But, despite these shortcomings, I’m still going to give you some guidelines on how I want you to play my game that might benefit your overall objective of getting with the girl across the hall or starting up that garage band you guys mentioned 46 Tuesdays ago.

Just had to touch me, eh?

That’s right 2K Games, I said MY game. Get lost.

Now, I’m gonna lay out the list of ways to slow you d….I mean, get you through this grand adventure of villainy against a righteous hero. I’ll tell you one thing to get you started: When you hear the name of your lord and savior, you better be drinking.


The Rules

Someone says “Jack” – 1

Someone says “Handsome Jack” – 2

Jack says “Jack” – 5

Jack says “Handsome Jack” – 10 or Shot (Preferably of Jack)

Someone Mentions the Vault – 1

Someone Calls You a Vault Hunter – 1

Important Dramatic Character Introduction – Social

Hear “It’s a Fantastic Day for Capitalism!” – 1

Someone Curses – 1 (You’re Welcome)

Someone Takes a Drink of Alcohol – 5

Story Character Dies – 5

Complete a Mission – Social

  • Add an extra 5 if it’s a Claptrap or Scooter Mission

New Chapter – 5

Level Up – Give Out or Take for the Level You’ve Reached

Spend a Skill Point – 5

Spend a Badass Point – 3

Change Your Outfit – 5

Spawn Vehicle – 5

Travel to Location Together – Social

Death – 5

  • Only Drink 2 if you Score a Second Wind Recovery

Open an Empty Box / Container – 3

Pick up Eridium – Drink the Value of the Eridium Obtained

Magikarp Jump Drinking Game

Players: 1

iOS, Android

Ok, yes, Magikarp Jump is a game designed to keep your children distracted long enough for you to make it through your grocery list incident-free, but don’t pretend like you’re not training your own little pathetic flopper when you have nothing better to do.

This game is best for when you are bored, have no plans, and just really need a reason to drink.


Drinks

  • Magikarp levels up
  • Win a league battle
  • Train your magikarp
  • Special event occurs
  • Use a friendly pokemon’s ability

3 Drinks

  • Retire a magikarp at max level
  • Win a league championship
  • Retry fishing a magikarp
  • Try a risky event option and succeed
    • Such as opening a pokeball, trying to get a berry, telling magikarp to find its own way home, or investigating a mysterious sparkling object in the water.
  • Receive a friend candy for leveling up a training course or food item

Shot

  • Lose a magikarp
  • Forced retirement before max level
  • Food frenzy

Don’t worry, you’ll be drunk as a fish before you have your second league championship.

Esther

When your magikarp dies while giving birth to your children after you’ve turned to the darkside and lost literally everyone else that ever mattered to you.

Diablo III Drinking Game

Players: 1-4

PS3, PS4, PC, 360, Xbox One


So, this is a very basic drinking game, but it’s also very close to my heart…

A bunch of us used to live together in a three-story home that we rented in a not-so-wonderful area of St. Louis (it helped bring us all closer together…sorta). We all worked for the same company, and they didn’t have hours on Sundays. This meant that every Saturday night and all of Sunday we’d basically be partying. This is where Diablo came into play, and, well, we were fans of the infamous Fireball, due to its inexpensiveness. Plus, for a shot choice, it went down easy. And that was vital to how we played Diablo.

To add further context, we were also on a Sunday Funday volleyball league. We were awful, and what contributed to that was the amount of Fireball we’d drink because of this game before heading off to our match.

1526643_3031369265424_8897248491827978583_n

Actual photo of us drunk at our volleyball game.

So, with way too much story now and not enough drinking, here is the game…

The Equipment Drop Shot

Whatever the rarest weapon type/color that drops for the area you’re in drops, everyone takes a shot.

“Wait, we just had three orange drop off of that boss, so just on…” No, take three shots.

I recommend a shot that you don’t mind having a lot of. Due to the rarity of such drops (sometimes), it really needs to be a shot of something. And it makes things much more exciting when it happens.

Diablo Rare Drop Drinking Game

Well, fuck.

Evoland Drinking Game

Players: 1

PC, Mobile


Evoland is an interesting Action RPG adventure that evolves as you play it. The game is on the short side, and there are points where you might end up dying constantly with possible rage quit… so it’s a perfect single player drinking game!

evoland bonus heart link zelda

I never found this. And it would have really fucking helped.

I beat the game with only two sessions lasting about five hours total. I hear the second one is longer, but who knows. Some of the same rules might apply? Let me know if you venture there. For now, enjoy the game below!

1 Drink

Obtain a New Mechanic

New Piece of Equipment

Find Item in Furniture

Any Character Gains a Level

Other Game References

Change The Time

For Each Person That Sends You to Another Person in a Quest Line

2 Drinks

Get a Star

Fall

Miss The Enemy in Turn-Based Combat

3 Drinks

Death in Zelda / Diablo Mode

New Graphic Upgrade

5 Drinks

New Battle Mechanics

Name a New Character

Achievement Unlock

Shots & Misc.

Blow Yourself Up (And Die) – Shot

Someone In The Story Dies – Shot

You Lose at “Cards” – Drink Difference in Points x2

evoland final boss drinking

Get ready to die to this guy a few times. He just loves to hug.

Tomb Raider (2013) Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS3, PS4, 360


I’ll admit, I never touched a Tomb Raider game until this one, but my girlfriend enjoyed the series back in its heyday. The definitive edition was available on the PlayStation store for $5, so it seemed like an easy purchase. Of course, we’d sit down and immediately make a drinking game for it.

wet lara croft tomb raider

I didn’t even know there’d be clips like this before buying.

We found ourselves highly entertained with the game we conjured up, especially on some of the more ridiculous rules (we definitely made it a shot for when THE Tomb Raider says she hates raiding tombs). It’s technically a single player rule set, but I do suggest it with a friend. It’s easy to pick up at any spot, and the only variation to the rules is you only drink for your own deaths.

I would imagine most of the rules apply to Rise of the Tomb Raider, as well, but I can’t be 100% sure on that. It could also apply to the older games… but probably not well.

lara croft evolution timeline

Just, uh, take your pick.

The Game

Lara Curses – 1

You Fall (Any Fall) – 1

Particularly Long CS – 1

Lara Says “Sam” – 2

Someone Grabs You – 2

Perform a Finishing Move – 2

You See a Dismantled Airplane / Helicopter – 2

Find a New Weapon / Upgrade – 2

Find a Voice Log – 3

You Die – 3

A Friend Dies (Story) – Shot

Lara Says She Hates Raiding Tombs – Shot

 

Super Mario Bros. 3 Drinking Game

Players: 1-2

NES, SNES, Wii, Wii U, 3DS…I don’t know, probably fucking anything.


Super Mario Bros. 3, one of everyone’s favorite retro games, is the ultimate classic. It built upon its predecessors’ success and perfected the formula for the NES era. With its array of fresh drug-inspired power-ups, Mario could hop and fly his way to victory. And then slaughter Bowser, once again.

kill bowser

This… might explain a few things.

I’m including two separate games. One for each single and multiplayer with some overlap. I’m going to warn you, if you follow the exact rules, especially for the multiplayer game, you’re going to be fucked real hard. So, hopefully, that’s what you’re looking for! If not, just dial the drinks back a bit. The shots, too. And don’t suck.

Enjoy!

Single Player

Death by Enemy – 3

Death by Missed Jump – 5

Death by Screen – 7

Death by Hammer Bro – 10 or Shot

Death by Time – Shot

Guess the Mushroom House Prize – Take 5 if Wrong

Don’t Match Any Cards – 5

Mess Up the Match Three Picture – 5

End Level Box:

  • Mushroom – 3
  • Flower – 1
  • Star – 0

End Level Box Collection:

  • 3 of the Same – 0
  • 2 of the Same – 5
  • None of the Same – 10

Game Over – 10

Game Over On Castle – Shot

hammer bros drinking game

Funny that the Hammer Bros. are the ones making you take shots..

Multiplayer

Death by Enemy – 3

Death by Missed Jump – 5

Death by Screen – 7

Death by Hammer Bro – 10 or Shot

Death by Time – Shot

Bet on the Mushroom House Prize:

  • Correct – Give 5
  • Wrong – Take 2

Succeed at Matching Any Cards – Give 5

Mess Up the Match Three Picture – 5

End Level Box:

  • Mushroom – Give 1
  • Flower – Give 3
  • Star – Give 5

End Level Box Collection:

  • 3 of the Same – Give a Shot
  • 2 of the Same – Give 5
  • None of the Same – Take a Shot

Battle Mode – Loser Takes 10

Game Over – 10

Game Over On Castle – Shot