Stardew Valley Drinking Game

Players: 1-4

PC

MINOR SPOILERS IN THE SCREENSHOTS


Co-op beta has begun, and you know we’re playing it. I thought long and hard (not really) about how to get as drunk as Shane playing Stardew Valley together or solo. The stories in this game are so well written and engaging, it seems shameful to potentially forget them in an inebriated state… but that’s what we’re here to do. At least some of our neighbors would probably approve (I’m looking at you, Pam and Shane.)

Have a cold one with Shane

Me every night after work.

The Rules

Drink 1:

At the start of each sunny day

When you sell items to a shop (1 per item stack)

When you harvest, collect, fish or forage a purple star quality item

When you mine any of the following: Iridium (1 per drop), Diamond, any Geode

When you acquire a new friendship heart with someone

When you find something other than trash in a trash can

When you buy a ticket to go to The Desert

When you give someone a gift on their birthday

When you donate an item to the museum

When a neighbor sends you an item or recipe in the mail

When you complete a daily quest

Multiple Drinks:

2 drinks – At the start of each rainy day

3 drinks – When you enter a cutscene

3 drinks – When you complete a long-term quest

1 drink per $1000 that you make from shipping items at the end of the day up to $9,000
1 shot per $10,000 that you make from shipping items at the end of the day

3 drinks – When you drink an alcoholic beverage in game (drinks in cutscenes included)

3 drinks – When a train passes through Stardew Valley

3 drinks – When you give someone a gift they hate

5 drinks or a shot – When you attend a seasonal/holiday event

Take a Shot:

When you give a bouquet

When you give a mermaid pendant

When “an explosion is heard during the night”

When you pass out from exhaustion (whether from low energy or from being awake too late)

When you access a new area of the game for the first time

When someone catches you looking in a trash can

I just want everyone to have a good time

Me too, Emily, but my idea was to get everybody hammered.

 

Additional Rules for Co-op:

Drink 1:

When you walk through each other

When you both/all work on the same tile (mining, farming, fishing, etc)

When you gain a new heart with a player character

Drink 3:

When you get pulled into someone else’s cutscene from afar

When you sleep in the same bed

Take a Shot:

When you give a bouquet to a player character, or when you receive one

Take 2 Shots:

When you marry another player character. Cheers, losers.

Be more social

 

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Skyrim Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS3, 360, PC


Skyrim has been out for ages now, and, having just jumped back into it, it’s as addicting as ever. I decided to write up a drinking game for it simply because I wanted to revisit the gorgeous countryside and reanimating dead corpses, but I wasn’t sure it was going to be the best material to drink to. I was wrong. There are a few recurring elements that walk the edge of comical at how often they pop up, usually within succession. It’s a bit of a shorter list than usual, but it works. Let’s get into it.

skyrim artowrk

You know how Tyler Durden “re-imagines” himself as Brad Pitt? That’s this guy for me.

Story Drinks

Any form of the word “Dragon” is mentioned – be prepared.

Skyrim is mentioned.

Someone comments on your race, gender, appearance.

Someone asks if you’re sick.

Any of the recruiting groups are mentioned – Legion, Stormcloaks, Thieves Guild, etc.

Slagathor in Skyrim - Character Creator

Slagathor is harassed pretty consistently in Skyrim.

Mechanical Drinks

You level up – drink the number of your new level.

Any skill goes up.

Fail a lockpick attempt – drink for each broken pin.

Fail a conversation attempt – persuade, intimidate, etc.

You find some kind of alcohol in a chest / container. Drink for each one.

Drink 5 for death – make it a shot if it’s from a trap.

Take a shot if you let your horse die because shame on you.

Dead horse Skyrim

You fucking fucks.

All I can say is a few conversations with the Jarl and the Greybeards about dragons and dragonborn, and you’re gonna forget you already accidentally killed your horse three goddamn times.

Dragon Age: Origins Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS3, 360, PC


Dragon Age is probably my favorite of Bioware’s game series. I might be a bigger advocate of Mass Effect, but I tend to lean towards fantasy over sci-fi as a general theme. That’s not really important here, though. You’re here because you want to get drunk. Or you’re lost. Either way, you might as well finish reading this article.

Dragon Age Origins Inventory Screen

That’s right. Slagathor continues in Ferelden.

This is a single player drinking game, but you’re always free to let friends join you with the same or modified rules. Every drink cue will be worth one drink unless otherwise specified. I’ll break them up into categories to make them a bit easier to reference for you. You’re fucking welcome.

Story

Grey Wardens are Mentioned

The Maker is Mentioned

The Blight is Mentioned

Racism is Apparent 

Someone Curses

Loghain is On Screen (stops applying if you recruit him.. unless you hate yourself)

Someone Takes a Drink

Sandal says “Enchantment”

Someone Thanks The Maker When They Clearly Should be Thanking You

Party Member Disapproves – Drink For Each Point

Make the Decision to Kill Someone – Shot


Party Members

Alistair is Sarcastic

Morrigan is Heartless

Sten Gives One Word Answer

Leliana is Over Considerate

Wynne is Concerned About The Maker

Oghren is Bitter

Shale is Condescending

Loghain… I Don’t Know; I Never Let Him Live


Mechanical

A Dialogue Option Appears With Drinking

Your Character Does a Special Finishing Move (Best Played With Melee Character)

Level Up on any Character

Accidentally Pull Out Weapon

Game Appears to Freeze

Party Member Falls in Battle

Accidentally Speak to Party Member When Trying to Click an Item

Game Over – Shot

dragon age dragon kill

If you get a sweet Dragon kill like this, everyone else finishes their drinks. If you don’t have friends, you finish your drink.

Limbo Drinking Game

Players: 1-??

PS3, PS4, Wii U, Xbox 360, Mobile, PC


Limbo is one of my favorite Indie Games of all time. It’s creepy as hell, all while delivering a truly interesting puzzle platforming experience. The best part of it, though, is all of the wonderful ways you can die. And you die pretty consistently. You can be dismembered, smashed, drowned – you can see where this is going.

limbo screenshot

Death by zipline is my preference.

So, you can certainly play this game alone, but I’d say it’s definitely better with friends so you can start yelling at each other. I’m actually stealing a bit of the strategy from our Flappy Bird game, but I’m tweaking it to make sense for this one. It has the possibility to get brutal, so I hope you’re ready to forget the rest of your evening (or morning, no judgement).

drunk in the morning

Round two begins in 45, troops.

The Rules

As I mentioned before, you die a lot in Limbo. A stupid amount. Bunches. So…

Take a drink if you die, and pass the controller.*

That’s not so bad, right?

* – If any previous player has already died in this spot, increase death drinks by 1.

Oh.

So, to spell it out a bit, if you die in the same spot as your best friend Larry, you now have to take 2 drinks every time you die. If this happens again, it’s 3 drinks, and so on and so forth. And this applies to everyone’s death drinks. So, even if Tiny Tim is the one that keeps dying in the repeat spots, you still have to up your death drinks.

I like that term. Death drinks. I think I’ll save it for my inevitable Dark Souls game. Tiny Tim will probably screw you over in that one, too. Fuck Tiny Tim.

drunk tiny tim

More whiskey, Scrooge.

I’m really interested to see if anyone finishes the game by these rules. It’s not impossible, but you’ll probably have to have played it a few times before and generally just be good at it.

So, if you do happen to be playing with an asshole that is really good at the game, here are a few additional rules to help keep some of the beer flowing:

Drink for…

  • Spider / monster appearance
  • Another human on screen, dead / alive
  • Something startles you
  • Something alters your character’s abilities / movement
  • A shot for a sighting of your sister

Extreme Mode

Up the death drinks for every time anyone dies.

Have fun. Don’t die yourself.

Call of Duty Drinking Game

Players: 1-??

PS4, Xbox One, Wii U, PC


Call of Duty is a long time drinking game favorite, at least in my circle. But we could just be alcoholics. We mainly like to muffle our yelling at the television and each other with beer and fireball. With that said, there are tons of different ways to drink with this game, and there’s a lot of different versions of this game. Feel free to take any rules and adjust them for whatever is best suited to you. The main idea is to establish a base model for your consumption needs. Black Ops III is the main reference for the game, but most of the rules apply to any.

This will mainly revolve around deaths. There are plenty of different games to make for individual play modes, but there’s a lot of those, and we’re lazy.

call of duty gameplay

General Gameplay

Death by…

  • Standard – 1 Drink
  • Headshot – 2 Drinks
  • Scorestreak – 3 Drinks
  • Melee / Projectile – 5 Drinks
  • Suicide / Accident – Shot

Bonus: Take shot if you’re sporting the skull (dead at the end of the match)

With Friends

Give a drink for every kill you have at the end of the match.

Give additional drinks for top three placement: 3 for third, 6 for second, 9 for first.

black ops 3 match results

Extreme Mode

Take a shot if you have a negative K/D ratio.

Finish whatever drink you have during match intermissions.

Drink 5 if you yell.

Flappy Bird Drinking Game

Players: 2-??

Mobile


If you’re reading this, maybe you’ve hit a low point in your life. I know I have for writing it. We’re gonna make this real short and simple, because there’s like 1 aspect to the whole game. And, obviously, this applies to pretty much any rip off of the game because the original is no longer in existence on the App store.

flappy bird screens

The Game

So, this is going to be simple. You are going to pass the game around, each person taking a turn. If you’re the first person, pass out a drink for each point you acquired during your turn. From there on out, you will either give or take the difference of the current high score.

  • If you are 5 points behind the current score when you die, take 5.
  • If you are 5 over and obtain the new high score, give out 5.

You can see how this will get pretty ugly the higher the score gets, as you will surely screw up very early on at least a couple of times while the score is rocking above the 50 mark – or however good your group of friends happen to be at this shitty game.

-Alternative Drink Option-

If your prescribed drinks hit the 20+ mark, you can trade in the full amount for one shot.


Now go get on with your life and try to make better decisions.

No Man’s Sky Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS4, PC


After two long years of waiting, No Man’s Sky is finally here. Hundreds of pretty pictures and mesmerizing teaser videos later, we can finally wander aimlessly through a nearly -literally- endless universe (if you find Pokemon themes in specific star systems, there’s a good chance they’re mine).

monolith no man's sky

IT’S. SO. FUCKING. PRETTY.

I’ve spent probably a little over 10 hours with the game at this point, so I feel like I am at a good place to develop a drinking game for this massive endeavor. Obviously, there’s plenty of possibilities I’m going to miss out on for recurring drink options, but that’s what the comments are for or whatever editing I feel like doing later.

Given the nature of the game, a lot of these drinks will be self-inflicted, but that’s what we want to do anyway, right? Now, to get lost and drunk in the middle of 18  fucking quintillion planets.

-Hopefully this drinking game hones your jetpack skills quick-

Out of Inventory Space Voice Cues – Drink 1 – I’m not sorry

Find Green Item – Drink 2

Alien Race Standing Goes UP – Drink 2

Have to Refill a Charge on a Piece of Equipment – Drink 2 – Have fun with starship battles

A Crate or Starship Yields Nothing – Drink 3

Run Out of Environment Protection – Drink 5

Alien Race Standing Goes DOWN – Drink 5

Reach a Milestone – Drink 5

Sentinel Drone Aggros You For Whatever Reason It Randomly Decides – Drink 5

Purchase Suit Upgrade – Drink 5

Take Fall Damage – Drink 10, Idiot

You Win a Starship Fight – Drink 10

Purchase New Starship – Drink 15

Death – Take a Shot For Your Fallen Father/Mother

Game Crashes – Downtime Shot

Watch me totally take out like 3 whole starships and land on a planet

Discover…

  • New Plant – Drink 2
  • New Word – Drink 3
  • New Species – Drink 5

Reach…

  • A New Point of Interest – Drink 3
  • A New Planet – Drink 5
  • A New System – Shot

Final Fantasy X Drinking Game

Players: 1

PS2, PS3, PS4


 

Final Fantasy X first landed in this world in 2001, and I have probably been obsessed with it ever since. It’s the first game I can recall that pulled me in for anything other than gameplay. The storytelling and music opened up a whole new concept of what a video game could be in my young mind.

final fantasy x anniversary

RPGs such as this might not be considered typical drinking or party games, but we’re not here to discriminate. To honor Final Fantasy X’s 15 year anniversary, here is a drinking game to help you get sloshed on your next playthrough. It’s a more story-dependent drinking game, since there is a lot of it. Might contain minor spoilers:

Gameplay

Overkill – Drink 1

Overdrive Used – Drink 2

Fly to a Location – Drink 2

Character Dies  – Drink 3 (Aeon +1)

Activate Ability Node (because there needs to be some kind of drinking in that process..) – Drink 3

Character is Permanently Removed From Battle  – Drink 5

You Screw up an Overdrive – Drink 5

Down a Boss – Drink 5 (+3 for Seymour)

Game Over – Shot

sin fight final fantasy x

Story

Tidus Narrates – Drink 1

Tidus Complains – Drink 2

Someone Speaks Al Bhed – Drink 2

Blitzball is Mentioned – Drink 2

Jecht is Mentioned – Drink 2

Chappu is Mentioned – Drink 3

You See the “Prayer” – Drink 3

Hymn of the Faith is Heard – Drink 3

Tidus Uses Toxin as Excuse – Drink 3

Tidus Is Mentioned or Shown Crying – Drink 5

Gain New Party Member / Aeon – Drink 5

Sin Appears – Drink 5

CGI Cutscene – Drink 5

Seymour Hits on Yuna – Drink 5

You Discover a Character That Should be Dead – Drink 10

You Lose the Game in Luca – Shot

You Tear Up – Shot, You Pussy (and it might help)

tidus cry final fantasy x

This is a potential 14 drinks plus a shot right here

Enjoy the game, and let me know in the comments any other frequently occurring moments you’d like to see added to the list!

SimCity Drinking Game

Players: 1 (Multiple Online?)

PC


SimCity is a long beloved franchise that has certainly changed over the years. And whether you love or hate the newest addition, the rules to follow should mostly apply to any version of the game. If you’re like me, you’re up late playing it alone with a beer in hand as a nice time sink while you ignore not being able to fall asleep and the state of your life in general.

There aren’t an overabundance of rules, as it’s mostly a slower paced drinking game, but you’ll find yourself indulging for most of the significant events you achieve or see onscreen. As with any of these games, you can always alter it a bit to fit your desired level of shit-faced.

aerial simcity shot

The Rules

Hourly Revenue – 1 Drink

Hear a Siren – 1 Drink

Lay Down Road – 1 Drink for Every $1000 Spent

See a Plane/Helicopter/Boat – Drink 2

Notification of Resource Falling Behind – 2 Drinks

Place a Park – 2 Drinks

Place Mayor’s House/Mansion and any Expansions – 5 Drinks

Place Church – 5 Drinks

Place City Specialization Building – 5 Drinks

See a House on Fire – 5 Drinks

Firemen Don’t Save Building – 10 Drinks

Place a Landmark – 10 Drinks

City Hall Upgrade – 10 Drinks

Complete Side Mission – 10 Drinks

Run Out of a Resource – 10 Drinks

Establish Great Works – Shot

Hit Negative Revenue – Shot

Natural Disaster Occurs – Shot

Pay Off a Bond – Shot

simcity tornado

We all know this if your favorite part – especially for the shot.

Extreme Mode

Drink 1 for every $1000 you make each in-game hour on at least double speed.


Feel free to comment with pictures of your beautiful “Boston Skyline” after playing for a couple of hours – I’ll try to judge how drunk you got from your layout. Enjoy!

Balloon Fight Drinking Game

Players: 1-???

NES, Wii U Virtual Console, GBA

With the pending re-release of the NES, we knew that people were going to be looking for drinking games related to some of their favorite classics. Personally, I can think of no game that I was more hopeful to see on the list than Balloon Fight. Hours and hours of my childhood were spent playing this game on 1-player, 2-player, and Balloon Trip. So without further ado, here are ways to get drunk with all 3 options.

1-Player Game

1-Player Image

  • Your Balloon Pops – Take a Drink
  • You Lose a Life – Take a Shot
  • You Are Struck by Lightning – Take a Shot
  • Hit by a Fucking Fish – Take a Shot

2-Player Game

2 Player Image

  • Lose a Balloon – Take a Drink
  • Lose a Life– Take 3 Drinks
  • Struck by Lightning– Take a Shot
  • Hit by Fish– Take a Shot
  • Earn 3000 Points – Give a Drink
  • Earn 12,000 Points – Give a Shot

Distribute point based drinks/shots before or after each bonus round.

Bonus Rounds (Optional):

Bonus Round Image
Distribute the following drinks in addition to the drinks from rules listed above.

  • Earn 1,000 Points – Give a Drink
  • Score a Perfect 10– Give a Shot

The point amounts can be adjusted to the skill level of your group. If you’re all terrible, take them down a bit. If you’re pros, raise them – or don’t and just drink like crazy.

Balloon Trip

Balloon Trip Image
This can be played similar to 1-Player mode, but there’s also a great way to play with a group. Essentially, one person will be playing the game and the other players will be gambling on their performance.

For the person playing the game:

After you lose, give out a drink for every 3,000 points you earned, or a shot for every 12,000 points.

Alternate: Everyone not playing takes a drink each time the player accumulates 3,000 points.

For the other players:

Before the player begins, you may wager on two aspects of the game.

Cause of Death:

Bet a number of drinks on how you think the player will die (Lightning, Fish or Drowning.) If you are wrong, drink your wager. If you are right, give out drinks according to the chart below:

  • Death by Lightning – Give Double Your Wager
  • Death by Drowning- Give Triple Your Wager
  • Death by Fish- Give QUADRUPLE Your Wager

Total Points Accumulated:

Each player will guess how many points the player will accumulate before dying. The player closest to the correct amount may give out 1 drink per 1,000 points they are off by.

EXTREME MODE

While in Balloon Trip, any time the player pops a bubble, all players must chug their drinks for the duration of the screen freeze!