Super Mario Bros. 3 Drinking Game

Players: 1-2

NES, SNES, Wii, Wii U, 3DS…I don’t know, probably fucking anything.


Super Mario Bros. 3, one of everyone’s favorite retro games, is the ultimate classic. It built upon its predecessors’ success and perfected the formula for the NES era. With its array of fresh drug-inspired power-ups, Mario could hop and fly his way to victory. And then slaughter Bowser, once again.

kill bowser

This… might explain a few things.

I’m including two separate games. One for each single and multiplayer with some overlap. I’m going to warn you, if you follow the exact rules, especially for the multiplayer game, you’re going to be fucked real hard. So, hopefully, that’s what you’re looking for! If not, just dial the drinks back a bit. The shots, too. And don’t suck.

Enjoy!

Single Player

Death by Enemy – 3

Death by Missed Jump – 5

Death by Screen – 7

Death by Hammer Bro – 10 or Shot

Death by Time – Shot

Guess the Mushroom House Prize – Take 5 if Wrong

Don’t Match Any Cards – 5

Mess Up the Match Three Picture – 5

End Level Box:

  • Mushroom – 3
  • Flower – 1
  • Star – 0

End Level Box Collection:

  • 3 of the Same – 0
  • 2 of the Same – 5
  • None of the Same – 10

Game Over – 10

Game Over On Castle – Shot

hammer bros drinking game

Funny that the Hammer Bros. are the ones making you take shots..

Multiplayer

Death by Enemy – 3

Death by Missed Jump – 5

Death by Screen – 7

Death by Hammer Bro – 10 or Shot

Death by Time – Shot

Bet on the Mushroom House Prize:

  • Correct – Give 5
  • Wrong – Take 2

Succeed at Matching Any Cards – Give 5

Mess Up the Match Three Picture – 5

End Level Box:

  • Mushroom – Give 1
  • Flower – Give 3
  • Star – Give 5

End Level Box Collection:

  • 3 of the Same – Give a Shot
  • 2 of the Same – Give 5
  • None of the Same – Take a Shot

Battle Mode – Loser Takes 10

Game Over – 10

Game Over On Castle – Shot

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Final Fantasy Tactics Drinking Game

Players: 1-??

PSX, PS3, PS4, PSP, PC, GBA


Final Fantasy Tactics is a game jam-packed with nostalgia. Its advanced job system laid the groundwork for tactical RPGs everywhere. It’s highly addictive, and it is at the same time quite rage-inducing. I have become quite a fan of the tactical RPG for drinking games, and for this one I’ll be taking a few lines from our XCOM drinking game (which is great, btw).

final fantasy tactics art

You’re all going to die.

Due to the recurring story elements and style of fighting, this game also makes a decent single player game with some altered rules. We’ll start with the multiplayer section first, though.

Battle – Multiplayer

The customization options aren’t quite as intricate in FFT as they are in XCOM, so you’ll basically just want to pick characters to assign to each person at random for this game. The character(s) chosen will represent you in the game for all drinking purposes. Try to keep the same amount of characters for everyone. If you have one odd out, make it a “social” character, and everyone drinks.

Your character hits an enemy – Give a drink

  • Double if hitting with counter

Your character is hit – Take a drink

  • Double if hit by counter

Go a round with no damage either way – Social

Your character dies – Take 3 Drinks

Your character levels up (job levels included) – Give

You generate friendly fire – The person controlling and the person’s character hit both take 2 drinks

End round with nobody currently dead – Controller gives out 5 drinks for every person playing (these can be combined to give to just one person, if desired)

Player fails mission or loses – They finish their drink

For every chocobo in fight at beginning of battle – Drink 1

final fantasy tactics jobs

I think I have multiple personality disorder.

Battle – Single Player

Take a drink when any of the following happen:

  • Countered
  • Opposing Team Levels Up
  • Opposing Team Heals
  • Push the Wrong Button on Controller
  • Dialogue Happens Mid-Fight
  • Move to the Wrong Spot
  • You are Knocked Back
  • Hit by Summon – One for Each Person Hit
  • Death – Take 3
  • Fail Mission – Finish Drink

Extreme Mode

Take a shot if a guest character gets themselves killed in battle.

final fantasy tactics drinking game

The very start of this game and I already have people hounding me.

Story

These are good for both single player and multiplayer games!

Take a drink when…

  • Slagathor’s – or whatever terrible name you decide on for your character – name is said
  • Delita is mentioned
  • God is brought up
  • Chocobo appears
  • Opaque flashback sequence
  • Have unfortunate feelings toward a main character (Algus, a Beoulve brother, etc.)
  • Member of Beoulve or Heiral (Delita’s) family dies – Take 5

I’m sure there are other recurring items that would be a great addition to this list, but it has been a while since I’ve made it super far into the game, and it’s hard and things. Feel free to add your own to the comments, and I’ll be happy to add them to the official list if I decide I like it.

Balloon Fight Drinking Game

Players: 1-???

NES, Wii U Virtual Console, GBA

With the pending re-release of the NES, we knew that people were going to be looking for drinking games related to some of their favorite classics. Personally, I can think of no game that I was more hopeful to see on the list than Balloon Fight. Hours and hours of my childhood were spent playing this game on 1-player, 2-player, and Balloon Trip. So without further ado, here are ways to get drunk with all 3 options.

1-Player Game

1-Player Image

  • Your Balloon Pops – Take a Drink
  • You Lose a Life – Take a Shot
  • You Are Struck by Lightning – Take a Shot
  • Hit by a Fucking Fish – Take a Shot

2-Player Game

2 Player Image

  • Lose a Balloon – Take a Drink
  • Lose a Life– Take 3 Drinks
  • Struck by Lightning– Take a Shot
  • Hit by Fish– Take a Shot
  • Earn 3000 Points – Give a Drink
  • Earn 12,000 Points – Give a Shot

Distribute point based drinks/shots before or after each bonus round.

Bonus Rounds (Optional):

Bonus Round Image
Distribute the following drinks in addition to the drinks from rules listed above.

  • Earn 1,000 Points – Give a Drink
  • Score a Perfect 10– Give a Shot

The point amounts can be adjusted to the skill level of your group. If you’re all terrible, take them down a bit. If you’re pros, raise them – or don’t and just drink like crazy.

Balloon Trip

Balloon Trip Image
This can be played similar to 1-Player mode, but there’s also a great way to play with a group. Essentially, one person will be playing the game and the other players will be gambling on their performance.

For the person playing the game:

After you lose, give out a drink for every 3,000 points you earned, or a shot for every 12,000 points.

Alternate: Everyone not playing takes a drink each time the player accumulates 3,000 points.

For the other players:

Before the player begins, you may wager on two aspects of the game.

Cause of Death:

Bet a number of drinks on how you think the player will die (Lightning, Fish or Drowning.) If you are wrong, drink your wager. If you are right, give out drinks according to the chart below:

  • Death by Lightning – Give Double Your Wager
  • Death by Drowning- Give Triple Your Wager
  • Death by Fish- Give QUADRUPLE Your Wager

Total Points Accumulated:

Each player will guess how many points the player will accumulate before dying. The player closest to the correct amount may give out 1 drink per 1,000 points they are off by.

EXTREME MODE

While in Balloon Trip, any time the player pops a bubble, all players must chug their drinks for the duration of the screen freeze!